All posts tagged Ubisoft


Breaking: John Ubisoft found dead at his home. More as it becomes available.

The show is starting.





Just Dance 2017. Coming to the… NX!? Well there you go, first third party game announced for Nintendo’s new console.

“You know when you see a dancing crab and a baby bird with a collar, you can only be at the Ubisoft press conference.”

You got that right, Aisha.

Aisha is taking a moment to express Ubisoft’s condolences for those affected by the shooting in Orlando, and man, this is maybe not the most classy way to go about that, all surrounded by giraffes and crab men.


“You remember this came from the end of last year’s conference where it fucking blew your mind,” Aisha is being really presumptuous about how impressive I thought Ghost Recon Wildlands was.

Think of all the watch towers you can climb.

Think of all the watch towers you can climb.

The Ubisoft conference already seems to be run by people fucked out of their minds, so it feels appropriate that we’re getting a look at a game alllllll about drugs this early in the show.

Now for some gameplay, with scripted banter between players. You’d think they’d stop doing this because it’s fucking terrible, but nobody ever learns and here we all are in 2016 listening to it again.

Wildlands will be released March 7th, 2017, though I’d never put too much faith in E3 release windows.

Next up is South Park: The Fractured But Hole, a game I have virtually no interest in, but Matt and Trey’s bits are typically the most tolerable of Ubisoft’s conferences.

Trey Parker is also here to announce his pregnancy.

Trey Parker is also here to announce his pregnancy.

Trey is rambling something about getting a gay fish’s mom into heaven before backing down and going “if you didn’t see the Kanye thing you wouldn’t get it,” and boy. I take back what I said about the South Park bits being the most tolerable, this thing is rough.

The Fractured But Hole will come out December 6th.

Rolling right into some hot The Division updates after that overly long South Park demo. I never thought I’d look at the Division as a reprieve.

Coming to The Division is The Underground. There’s a new threat under the streets of New York city: CHUDS. As a Division agent you have to do what you do best, shoot indiscriminately. Ghost Recon, Splinter Cell, and Rainbow Six outfits are coming to the game as well.

Players will also have to brave “some of the most extreme weather conditions” in the Survival expansion, and by “most extreme” they mean moderate snowfall. I have literally braved worse than this while shoveling driveways.

Palmer Lucky unjacked himself from the Matrix to come here and talk to everyone about Eagle Flight VR.

Palmer Lucky unjacked himself from the Matrix to come here and talk to everyone about Eagle Flight VR.

Eagle Flight VR is a team-based sports game playable through the perspective of an eagle. It has local co-op, assuming you can find up to five other weirdos who actually own a Rift.

Aisha is back out here talking about how Eagle Flight made her pee a little. Welcome to Pee3.

There’s a Star Trek VR game in the works too. Like basically every other Star Trek game, I can’t imagine it’ll be anything other than profoundly boring, but the cast of Star Trek’s past sure seem to be way into it.

Despite my reservations about another Star Trek game, Levar's enthusiasm is infectious.

Despite my reservations about another Star Trek game, Levar’s enthusiasm is infectious.

There’s a new trailer for For Honor, a neat looking game that I forgot was in the works. Jason Vandenberghe is back on stage. He’s not visibly armed this time, though he does have a cane that COULD be housing some sort of blade, or at the very least a flask of Wild Turkey.

There’s a stage demo going on for For Honor, and so far it’s the best showing thing Ubisoft has going. The animations in this thing are really slick, it looks great, and combat seems pretty interesting. For Honor launches Feb 14 2017, same day as Persona 5. Fucking choices.

Yes, there is a sequel to Grow Home coming out, it’s called Grow Up.

This is one way to announce Trials Blood Dragon

This is one way to announce Trials Blood Dragon

The President of Finland is here to announce Trials of the Blood Dragon.



Trials of the Blood Dragon will be released as soon as the conference ends… 30 minutes. Son of a bitch, no. NO! THATS TOO LONG! Not to get at the game, but to sit through more of this shit!

Assassin’s Creed movie time. KILL ME. MURDER ME!

Producer Frank Marshall is here to talk about the film, but I can’t help but wonder what it would look like if Garry Marshall were attached to the project.

Deadsec from Watch_Dogs 2 are hacking the conference. Unfortunately they aren’t ending it. That’s how you know these hackers are bad guys.

There’s no way this gameplay demo isn’t going to be more of the same. You can hack cars, disrupt people’s phones, and generally wander around and be an insufferable asshole. The visual design of this game looks great, but the *~vibe~* is really grating. In this demo, Marcus must stop the staff of a presidential candidate from deleting files and destroying hard drives with hammers.



One more game before the show closes, and no, it’s not Beyond Good and Evil, despite the recent trend of “hey we’re making that thing you thought we weren’t going to make” lending itself well to that. Instead, it’s a new IP mixing sports games with open world environments. Steep has some of the most satisfying crunch sounds when your character careens off path and collides with a tree.


And that’s the Ubisoft Conference. It was… overall, kinda rough. Most of the games shown did not demo well, with exception to Steep and For Honor. Wildlands looks promising. The new South Park game seems aggressively terrible. Watch_Dogs 2 keeps treading the line between being interesting and garbage, and the VR stuff did not show well at all. All that said, it was a better conference than what we’ve seen of Ubisoft in the past, and it was far above what they had last year.

It has been well known for a while that Watch_Dogs 2 was in the pipeline, but it looks like Ubisoft is going ahead and showing the game off prior to E3, which, while also not exactly a new trend, might be somewhat predicated by copious leaks. In any case, Gamespot were poised to be the first outlet to show the game off, and had their coverage preempted by Ubisoft just streaming out gameplay anyway.

Ubisoft promises that the game will have a different “vibe” than the first, relocating the game to the West Coast and putting you in control of a new main character who is decidedly not Aiden. The game seems to lean harder into hacker counter-culture, and ~internet culture~. You’ll also now be given the option to play the game strictly non-lethally, and are able to control a set of RC and airborne drones, complete with a requisite hoop flying minigame that I’m sure nobody asked for.

We’ll surely have more coverage of Watch_Dogs 2 as we near E3.

Anything is better than more soccer.

Anything is better than more soccer.

I only caught the last half of EA’s press conference, but it was a real snoozer. Let’s hope Ubisoft wakes me up, gives me a shot of… caffeine?

Oh who am I kidding, it’ll just be Aisha Tyler shouting “hashtag lady boner!” and crying about graphics for an hour and a half.

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Microsoft’s E3 presentation is about to start. I’d like to lead off with the things we know, or at least are extremely likely to happen:

  • Gameplay of Scalebound, Hideki Kamiya’s new XONE-exclusive.
  • Gameplay of Crackdown and Rise of the Tomb Raider.
  • Reveal of Battletoads and Gears of War HD.
  • Finding out what the hell’s going on with Quantum Break.
  • More Hololens garbage

There might be some more surprises in store. Let’s hope so. I will be watching this on Spike TV, to avoid internet-related hiccups, so there will be a lack of screenshots at this time. They’ll be added in later. Kick-Ass is on right now. Thanks, Spike.

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Xbox One players who have installed patch 3 will find that the already large 6.7GB patch 4 has inflated considerably to 40GB. For whatever reason, the patch is reinstalling the entire game rather than the affected areas that it was designed to fix. On the bright side, it’s not causing any other problems!

For the time being, Ubisoft has issued an apology to Xbox One players, and states that they’re working closely with Microsoft to resolve the issue. They have offered a solution of sorts: players who have the disc version can uninstall the game and then reinstall, which will trick the patch into downloading as it was normally intended.

For those of you who are affected by this, you can keep an eye on Ubisoft’s Assassin’s Creed blog for updates.

One game per year is as close to a break as Ubisoft will allow.

One game per year is as close to a break as Ubisoft will allow.

No matter how bad or tapped for ideas the Assassin’s Creed franchise is, it won’t end until we all stop feeding the machine. That said, here’s the scoop on the latest Assassin’s Creed game you’ll all buy.

Titled Assassin’s Creed: Victory, the game will be set in Victorian era London, and is currently being developed by Ubisoft Quebec. Kotaku, which is the source of the leak, published information on seven minutes of “target gameplay footage,” which – according to them – is all in-engine.

The footage shows an assassin scoping out London from atop a tower, which is a thing you do in all these games so at least that checks out. The Assassin makes his way to a horse carriage and starts a mission given to him by a masked woman to kill Roderick Bulmer, who has been dabbling in human trafficking.  The carriage is attacked and the Assassin climbs on top to do battle with some Templar agents before arriving at the Charing Cross train station. While there, he’s able to change his outfit, then utilizes a grappling hook to close distance between him and his target before finally landing the kill. He then makes his escape via a train, the end, cut to the logo and a grim reminder that the followup to Unity is not JAZZAGE JUNKIES.

Assassin’s Creed Victory is rumored to be slated for Fall 2015.

AC_rogueAs Assassin’s Creed: Unity is exclusive to current-gen platforms, it’s been speculated for a while that last-gen consoles would have their own separate games. Today a Game Informer cover story revealed that is indeed the case, and the old-ass AC is called Assassin’s Creed: Rogue.

And yeah, it pretty much is just AC4: Black Flag reskinned.


Game journalists seriously need to get laid.

Because it wouldn’t be game journalism unless people got ridiculously upset over stupid bullshit; The developers of Assassins Creed Unity are being called out over “no female characters” and that kind of bullshit. Ignoring that the game takes place during the French Revolution, I think this means we can expect to see a trend where history is rewritten to be more “politically correct.”

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