All posts tagged Trash

You're telling me I can get Subnautica for 25% off? Greeeeeeeeeat

You’re telling me I can get Subnautica for 25% off? Greeeeeeeeeat

The annual Autumn Steam sale has begun and it sure looks dire. Not only is it kicking right off the bat with some early access garbage, but this sale is lacking some features many have come to regard as standard. These missing features include the flash sales, community picks, and lightning deals. These compromises were made for the sale’s theme, exploration, which roughly translates to “haha fuck you, find the deals!” There’s not even any trading cards, which seems like an odd thing to not include considering how much they’ve played into past sales.

As I mentioned, the deals themselves aren’t even that great, though that could change as the sale progresses, and in the end the deals are what matters the most. Still, it’s a little disheartening to see Steam’s idea of a sale this year amount to “whatever, put a shark on here and tell them to find the deals,” considering the one thing you could always expect from Steam sales was some weird meta game. It just seems low effort.

Not content letting Ryu be the most baffling inclusion in Smash 4‘s roster, Nintendo announced today that Cloud from Final Fantasy VII would be coming to the game as DLC, because fuck it why not. There really isn’t a whole lot to dive into here as everything you need to know is contained the trailer up above, but in case you want want to watch it, here’s a quick rundown of what to expect:

  • You can use a variety of limit breaks, with Omnislash being your final smash.
  • Midgar will be a stage, contains old school summons as hazards.
  • Cloud has a sword, which he can use to cut things.
  • Cloud’s hair is also very sharp, though unlike his sword, it cannot be used as a weapon.
  • You can dress Cloud up in his traditional FFVII outfit or his outfit from Advent Children, that CGI shitstorm you likely spent the better part of the last decade trying to suppress all memories of.
  • There will probably be an Amiibo for this, so you can start dreading the inevitable news of it being a pain in the ass to find.

On that last point, I recently discovered Amiibo hunting videos are a thing, and I’m still trying to figure out if that’s better or worse than grocery unbaggings.

File photo.

File photo.

There has been some murmuring for a while now about a premium service for Youtube, which would get you access to exclusive videos from some of the site’s largest content creators. Today, Youtube has decided to elaborate on this plan, and formally announce their new premium service Youtube Red.

Red will cost 9.99 a month, remove ads from streaming videos, and give you access to Scare PewDiePie, which is being helmed by the producers of The Walking Dead, a show people like in spite of the fact that it’s not really that good. Rooster Teeth, who are continuing to grasp desperately at whatever relevancy they still have, will also be bringing a sci-fi show to Youtube Red.

I want to point out, again, that the service is 9.99 a month. For a whole dollar less you could sign up for Netflix, or for the same price you can get a subscription to the WWE Network, which will soon be adding Attitude Era episodes of RAW. Don’tsignupforYoutubeRed


I mean it, I'm almost out of relevant Batman pictures.

I mean it, I’m almost out of relevant Batman pictures.

Awwwww here we go.

Just a little over a month ago, Rocksteady assured those who have been eagerly anticipating a working version of Arkham Knight on PC that an interim patch would be out in August. Most sensible people took this to mean that a patch would likely come just as the month is closing out, since putting it in such broad terms allows for some flexibility while not going against their promise.

As you’ve probably already figured out by this point, Rocksteady does not anticipate they’ll even meet that mark. In a statement posted on the Steam page for Arkham Knight, Rocksteady says that they have begun testing the first major patch, and intend to report back “in the next two weeks” with probably another vague estimate on when it might drop.

The patch will include numerous fixes, such as:

  • Improved VRAM usage
  • Reduced hitching
  • Ability to up the frame rate to 60 and 90
  • Toggles for motion blur, chromatic aberration, and film grain
  • A high texture value
  • Adaptive v-sync for NVIDIA cards
  • VRAM usage meter (which I wish more games would include)
  • Fixes to texture resolution bugs
  • Fixes to hitching when reading off a mechanical hard drive

Rocksteady has also promised that the team is continuing to work hard on a fix that allows users to skip the boot/splash screens that doesn’t require editing the .ini file, a photo mode not unlike the one recently added to console versions of the game, and of course that hot hot DLC you probably shouldn’t buy.

It’s all closed out with a nice friendly thank you for everybody’s patience, followed by hundreds of angry comments about how WB is fucking people yet again.

Truly, it’s a never ending story.



The saga of Red Ash, Keiji Inafune’s proposed successor to Mega Man Legends, goes a little something like this: Inafune pitched a game not many people wanted, asked for way too much and showed basically nothing for it, then at the 11th hour revealed that he had funding lined up anyway through FUZE, a Chinese company who has a really legit looking webpage with a picture of Master Chief standing over a bullet-ridden Ouya declaring games in their current form are dead. I might be missing a few beats here or there because, frankly, the story of Red Ash has been kind of a trainwreck.

However, one successful element in Inafune’s plan to force you to digest Red Ash is a kickstarter campaign to create an anime based on the game. The kickstarter earned just over 150k, but now Inafune wants more, stating that the currently funded amount will only allow for a whopping 12 minutes of footage. The new campaign is seeking an additional 128,118 so Inafune’s vision of making more money can finally see the light of day.

If you want to take pity, you can throw a few bucks at the campaign here. Although I wouldn’t recommend it.


Pictured: A Sonic that is much better than any that has been produced by SEGA in the past 10-plus years.

Let’s face it: After Jet Set Radio Future, there was nowhere to go but down. The Yakuza series aside, SEGA’s output has been almost nothing but shovelware for over 10 years. That’s a really long time to coast on brand awareness and nostalgia, and it seems even SEGA is figuring that out.

Haruki Satomi, CEO of SEGA Games, said the following:

I’ve been talking to employees about how [Sega] should start putting serious consideration into quality from this point on. Particularly in North America and Europe, where it’s always been more of a focus on schedules.

I believe that if we can’t maintain quality, it would be better to not release anything at all. We did our best to build a relationship of mutual trust with older fans of Sega but, looking back, there have been some titles that have partially betrayed that [trust] in the past 10 years.

Of course, nobody knows if they’ll actually stick to this sudden change of heart, and stop making garbage games. Given that Sonic Boom was both absolute trash AND the worst-selling Sonic game of all goddamn time, maybe that was the kick in the asshole they needed. Or maybe the games will continue to suck. Maybe. Probably.


Most companies would go back to the drawing board after releasing two of the worst selling titles in a long running franchise, but not Sega. Determined to make everyone like Sonic Boom, the company has gone ahead and green lit a sequel on the 3DS titled Sonic Boom: Fire & Ice.

 Sanzaru Games is returning to develop the game, having previously had a hand in Sonic Boom: Shattered Crystal, a game that’s still holding down an impressive zero positive reviews on metacritic.

minecrafttelltaleJust when we thought it couldn’t get any worse than a Borderlands game, Telltale surprises us by proving they will make literally any franchise into an episodic adventure game series.

Coming in 2015, Minecraft: Story Mode, titled as such in tacit acknowledgement that Minecraft isn’t even really a game, claims to be set “in the world of Minecraft,” whatever that means. As Minecraft has no “world,” as such, this must mean, “in the style of Minecraft,” promising a horribly ugly visual style that combines the worst of both the 16-bit and 32-bit era.

Gotta stay true to the source material. At least it might save Telltale the embarrassment of their “signature” facial animations being put on display again.


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As I played through Assassin’s Creed: Unity, one question kept popping into my mind throughout: how? How did such a high-profile release get put out to the market in this state? How could they regress so much after putting out such a fantastic game the previous year? From grievous performance issues to baffling game design, Unity manages to make massive missteps that even past games had overcome.

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