What will EA’s annual masturbatory disaster have in store for us this year? Let’s find out! This post will be updated as Things Happen.
Expected games: Titanfall 2, Mass Effect: Andromeda, some new stuff for Star Wars: The Old Republic, Battlefront 2, Battlefield 1, and maybe some fun surprises!
People fuckin LOVE Peter Moore, they’re losing their shit for the Chief Competition Officer. He says almost nothing, then EA’s main android leader comes back on stage to talk about the best things in Battlefield 1, including “shovels”.
Titanfall 2 looks FUCKIN AWESOME. Grappling hooks, robot kung-fu, teleportation, and a bunch of other rad shit. Trailer to be posted here later. Titanfall 2, or TF2, will also have a full campaign this time, if you’re into that.
Sports are happening. Esports are also happening.
There are some short snippets of Mass Effect: Andromeda, but nothing of substance. That thing is not anywhere near finished.
And now some Fifa stuff, which means time to go get a drink.
EA is announcing a new program that sounds suspiciously like EA Partners, focused on indie games like Unraveled. The new announcement is Fe, not to be confused with Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE.
JADE RAYMOND IS HERE! She’s introducing the Star Wars games, which means we might see the one from Visceral that she’s attached to.

mo-cap for Respawn’s third-person action game

a short snippet of footage from Visceral’s Star Wars game

some Battlefield-shilling chucklefuck talks while standing awkwardly next to Jamie Foxx and Zac Efron
Battlefield 1 looks really good, and that’s it! Pretty much nothing new or surprising! Thanks, EA! Join us later today for the Bethesda conference, where we’ll see more non-surprises such as a new Wolfenstein, The Evil Within 2, and Prey 2 (or whatever it’ll be called)!