So far, Sony has been wiping the floor with everyone else. Microsoft put out a valiant effort this year, but was still lacking in games I’m actually interested in. Now it’s time to see what Sony pulls out… Last Guardian for PS4? Parappa 3? LET’S GET IT ON!
The show opens with Destiny, Bungie’s newest wholly uninteresting project that seems to be getting a lot of hype everywhere except from people who play games. It also apparently straight-up has 343 Guilty Spark in it, who provides a massive cocktease by saying, “We’ve always known The Darkness would return.”
Cmon, man. Don’t do me like that.
Destiny will be playable first on Playstation, apparently. The beta starts July 17th. Unknown if the full release will come first for Sony consoles as well.
OOOOOOOOOH SHIT, White PS4/Destiny bundle coming at Destiny’s launch in September. Now for a NEW IP!
Turns out it’s just The Order: 1886. Which looks good, but don’t hype something up like that when it’s already announced, dude!
Looks good, Moustache Man fights a zombo that turns into a Mr Hyde or something.
Now here’s Entwined,the requisite Deep Indie Game, out now for $9.99 on the PSN Store for PS4. It’s basically Tempest/Adventures of Cookie and Cream with birds flying around and you turn into an “Incredible Dragon” that “paints the sky”.
The new DLC for Infamous: Second Son is standalone, so you don’t need the original game but having it will unlock exclusive shit. Fetch is being held captive in a snowy base, apparently you play as her in flashbacks. It’s called First Light, and is coming in August.
Little Big Planet 3 came up on screen and my stream crapped out because it’s even more uninterested than I am. This is a good bathroom break time.
THANK FUCK YOSHIDA IS HERE TO DELIVER US FROM LITTLE BIG PLANET, A GAME WITH PLATFORMING SO SHITTY EVEN ITS DEVELOPERS CAN’T WALLJUMP
Yoshida introduces a “completely new IP”, Bloodborne. Yeah, completely new like Dark Souls was. This is the “Project Beast” Demon’s/Dark Souls successor that leaked a while back. Oddly, no gameplay footage, but it says it’s coming out in 2015. What a surprise.
Far Cry 4 has drop-in co-op, in-car shooting, and vehicle-to-vehicle takedowns.
Only on Playstation, you can invite friends to play FC4 with you… Even if they don’t have the game. Weird!
There is a FUCKING FANTASTIC trailer for Dead Island 2, unfortunately it’s Dead Island 2. It’ll have a Playstation-exclusive beta so you can play that garbage before other scrub consoles.
Now a gameplay trailer for Battlefield Hardline, which is everywhere at E3 for some reason.
Sony is partnering with Paradox, and bringing Magicka 2 as a Sony exclusive.
AAAAAAAAAAA GRIM FANDANGO REMASTER EXCLUSIVE TO PS4 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Suda 51’s new game, Let It Die, is also coming exclusively to PS4 in 2015. It seems to be an action-RPG based on slasher movies or something?
ABZU is an underwater version of Journey, apparently.
Finally, we get a new trailer for No Man’s Sky which still looks amazing.
We get a screen showing Vib Ribbon, and then some asshole comes out and rambles about stats and share buttons and Playroom. Gimme the goddamn Parappa.
Montage of FREE TO PLAY games. Ugh.
Playstation Now, Sony’s game-streaming service, will be available as an open beta on July 31st. PSNow will also be available on Sony TVs, to which a single person in the crowd responded with, “YEAH!”
The Vita TV, now renamed Playstation TV, because why saddle it with the Vita brand, is coming to the US, Canadia, and Europe this fall for $99. There’s a bundle for $139 that includes the PSTV, a Dual Shock 3, an HDMI Cable, and… A free download of The LEGO Movie, for some reason.
Then this fucking asshole continues to talk about Vib Ribbon, 1996, games that promote fun… And introduces gameplay of Mortal Kombat X. Looks good and everything buy holy shit dude where’s Parappa? Don’t do this to me. This is going to be some troll until the very end, I bet.
Brian Michael Bendis is here to tell us about the Powers show, coming exclusively to Playstation. It’s a great comic and can make for a great TV show, but I don’t need more TV shit. What is Sony doing.
The Ratchet and Clank movie still exists, coming to theaters. They’re also “re-imagining” the original game for PS4. Both coming in the first half of 2015.
Also something something Last Of Us who the fuck cares
New MGSV trailer, looks like it’s… Really something.
Also GTA V is coming to PS4 this fall, big surprise.
And now some gameplay footage of Batman: Arkham Knight, that hot jam.
Last is something that represents the best of the PlayStation Spirit™… Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End. Great. GREAT! Fuck this.
It started out so well. The Last Guardian was MIA, and nothing came from the Vib Ribbon tease. No announcements of further Yakuza games coming stateside, and all that stuff near the end about Vitas and TV just killed all momentum the conference had.
However, Grim Fandango.