George Lucas is tone deaf in a lot of ways. Some (like myself) would argue that deafness is one of the leading factors contributing to the prequel trilogy missing the mark by such a wide margin, and that same deafness explains why George doubles down on those films as something “experimental.” All things considered, it’s a bit baffling to me that Lucas would sell the property off to Disney, a move that from top of bottom was probably the best that could be made for all parties involved. However, it’s become apparent in the aftermath of the buyout that Lucas regrets his decision, having likened it to a bad divorce, and voicing repeatedly how upset he was over the fact that Disney wanted to make a movie “for the fans.”

While speaking to Charlie Rose, George railed even harder on Disney, stating “[The Star Wars films] are my kids. I loved them, I created them, I’m very intimately involved with them and I sold them to the white slavers that take these things…” He trailed off there and shifted gears, realizing that he probably didn’t make the most mature or level-headed comparison. Oopsie doodles.

The Force Awakens is nearing its second full week in theaters and has already grossed a whopping 1.28 billion worldwide. Without adjusting for inflation, it currently tops all previous Star Wars films.


Pictured: Director David Lynch decides he has better things to do than release Twin Peaks on the previously-announced schedule.

Today in completely unsurprising news, the new season of Twin Peaks, which has already been plagued with numerous production issues (including Lynch walking away from the project, only to be wooed back, presumably for a big bag of cash), has now slipped from its projected 2016 air date. No further details are available, including when, exactly, in The Year Of Our Jericho 17 it will premiere, but for now we just have to take solace in the fact that at some point, we’ll all get to know the answer to the real question:


How’s Annie?


Dead, probably, I dunno.

Above, you can see a full sketch from Netflix’s continuation of Mr. Show. Featuring David Cross, Bob Odenkirk, Paul F. Tompkins, John Ennis, and Jay Johnston (plus the voice of Hot Saucerman, apparently taking over announcer duties from Tom Kenny), you can see that the gang is (almost) all here. Mr. Show recurring cast members like Brian Posehn and Dino Stamatopolous are also set to appear. With Bob and David will shit out all of its episodes on Netflix on November 13th. Between that and Jessica Jones, I guess it’s time for me to re-subscribe.


The saga of Red Ash, Keiji Inafune’s proposed successor to Mega Man Legends, goes a little something like this: Inafune pitched a game not many people wanted, asked for way too much and showed basically nothing for it, then at the 11th hour revealed that he had funding lined up anyway through FUZE, a Chinese company who has a really legit looking webpage with a picture of Master Chief standing over a bullet-ridden Ouya declaring games in their current form are dead. I might be missing a few beats here or there because, frankly, the story of Red Ash has been kind of a trainwreck.

However, one successful element in Inafune’s plan to force you to digest Red Ash is a kickstarter campaign to create an anime based on the game. The kickstarter earned just over 150k, but now Inafune wants more, stating that the currently funded amount will only allow for a whopping 12 minutes of footage. The new campaign is seeking an additional 128,118 so Inafune’s vision of making more money can finally see the light of day.

If you want to take pity, you can throw a few bucks at the campaign here. Although I wouldn’t recommend it.

Quentin Tarantino’s newest movie, The Hateful Eight, is due for release this Christmas, and features many actors you would expect from a Tarantino film: Sammy J., Mr. Blonde, Tim “Yer Loiyin’” Roth, Boyd Crowder, and  The Guy Who Shot John Wayne.

The film follows a bounty hunter known as The Hangman (Snake Plissken), bringing in his freshest catch (the Single White Female herself) to be hanged. He ends up stuck in a haberdashery while a blizzard is raging, and guess what? SOME of these people might not be good dudes!

There will probably be plenty of face-offs, and squinting at each other while guns are held under the table. That sounds pretty familiar.

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Yesssss! Criterion knocks it out of the park in October, with another David Lynch film (Mulholland Dr., following last year’s Eraserhead — maybe next October we’ll get Lost Highway or Inland Empire) as well as another Cronenberg (The Brood). Add to the mix Kwaidan, a classic ghost story from director Masaki Kobayashi (Samurai Rebellion), some Gus Van Sant movie I don’t care about with Keanu “Whoa” Reeves and River “Dead” Phoenix, and A Special Day, which teams Marcello Mastroianni with Sophia Loren, and you’ve got a pretty damn good month.

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See you again in 26 years.

See you again in 26 years.

Ok, stick with me on this one.

According to Welcome to Twin Peaks Dot Com, series co-creator Mark Frost told National Baseball Hall of Fame senior curator Tom Shieber that season 3 won’t come out until 2017, having been pushed back from it’s original “sometime probably in 2016” time frame.

Mark Frost was reportedly visiting the Hall of Fame to throw baseballs at a bottle in order to determine the success of season 3. “I have become deeply moved by the plight of Twin Peaks fans,” Frost was reported as saying, before throwing the first ball and missing the bottle by several feet.

After the whiff, Frost went on to say “The challenge for us is to try and come back and raise the bar above what we did the last time. We’re coming back with season 3 of Twin Peaks after a 25-year absence. We’ve finished the scripts, we start production in September, and that will be coming out on Showtime in 2017.”

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Moonrise Kingdom has apparently been delayed a month, if you’re into that sort of thing. Originally slated for August, but with no box art, it reappeared with this set of releases for September.  Meanwhile, despite losing the rights to older Merchant Ivory films, resulting in some of them (such as Howards End) going out of print, A Room With a View is getting a Blu-Ray edition. There’s also a one-two punch of Bruce Beresford films, both with cover artwork from the great Sean Philips (Criminal, The Fade Out, Fatale), and an early Krzysztof Kieślowski film, pre-Three Colors.

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Marvel and Sony have announced that, after ousting the fantastic Andrew Garfield, the new Marvel-controlled Spider-Man will be portrayed by Tom Holland. Holland is apparently 19, though this seems like the thing in hentai where the loli character is said to be thousands of years old. Disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself, Marvel.

This new, cherubic Peter Parker will debut in Captain America: Civil War next May, where Steve Rogers will probably change his diaper or try to feed him applesauce with hilarious results.